


Frowning Uspide-down

by Caitlinnetje



Series: Tentacle Tragical Trilogy [1]
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Denial of Feelings, Depression, Exes, First Love, Flashbacks, Kissing, Love Story, M/M, Sex, Smoking, SpongeBob fanfiction, SpongeBob love story, Spongebob/Squidward, SquidBob, SquidwardxSpongebob, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:41:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27023731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caitlinnetje/pseuds/Caitlinnetje
Summary: Squidward discoveres a new feeling welling up inside him, but also remembers his pain from the past. He has to figure out what he wants and has to try and forget about the things that happened long ago.
Relationships: SpongeBob SquarePants/Squidward Tentacles, Squilliam Fancyson/Squidward Tentacles
Series: Tentacle Tragical Trilogy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979503
Comments: 9
Kudos: 31





	1. Smiling mustard faces and confusion

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Pop and Licorice](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14597604) by [clefabletime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/clefabletime/pseuds/clefabletime). 



> I recently stumbled upon SquidBob and it has become a new obsession of mine. I love to write stories and one day my mind just sort of came up with this after reading a story by Thebakkat/Clefabletime. English is a second language to me, so there may be some mistakes.  
> Please enjoy and I would love to get your feedback/opinion on it :)

“Another lousy day at the Krusty Krab” Squidward sighs as he opens the glass door.

SpongeBob slips past him and twirls around on the green floorboards. “May I say it’s a beautiful day too?”

Squidward sighs even louder and takes place behind the cash register. “Whatever…”

It is 8 ‘o clock and already a few customers have eagerly walked in, ready to eat one of the Krabby Patties SpongeBob so cheerfully makes. Patrick is also one of the first ones to enter.

SpongeBobs head appears from behind the window: “Goodmoooorning Patrick!”

“Oh, hi SpongeBob!” Patrick climbs over Squidward to reach his friend.

“PATRICK, GET OFF ME!” Squidward annoyingly shouts at him, removing the pink creature from his shoulders. “And to think it’s only eight…” he mumbles.

SpongeBob has opened the door to his friend, and they are both laughing loudly and running around the kitchen. Squidward puts his tentacles over his ears and growls.

“Can I order something?” Fred has been standing in front of the register for a few minutes now. Squidward takes his order, hands it to SpongeBob and grabs one of his magazines from behind him. “Nothing some ‘Fancy Living’ won’t make better” he says, looking at all the pictures inside and hoping to one day own a big mansion just like it.

“I want an uh… uh…” Patrick is now standing in front of him, staring blankly at the menu. Squidward tries to keep his focus on his magazine and ignore him as hard as he can.

SpongeBob peers above the window: “Take a Krabby Patty with extra cheese, Pat. Take it, take it, take it!”

“Yes, I’ll have a Krabby Patty with uh… uh…”

“Eeeextra cheeeeese” SpongeBob laughs and jumps out of the window to write down his friends’ order. “I’ll take this one, Squiddy, so you can keep on reading.” He gives him a quick peck on his cheek, making Squidward growl annoyed and quickly wipe it away.

“It’ll be 2.25, Pat.”

“Let’s see…” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a couple cents. “Will this work?”

SpongeBob jumps down from the register next to his friend and whispers into his ear: “I’ll take this one for you, buddy.”

“Oh, oh, thank you SpongeBob.” Patrick takes the money and SpongeBob jumps back inside the boat, holding up his hand as if he hadn’t just given Patrick the money himself.

Patrick hands it to him and SpongeBob puts it neatly inside the cash register. He climbs over Squidwards shoulders towards the kitchen.

“CAN EVERYONE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!” Squidward calls out, before huddling up inside the boat to quietly continue reading his magazine.

“I’m sorry Squiddy” SpongeBob reaches back from the window to kiss him on the top of his head.

Squidward suddenly feels his face turn bright red and his body temperature rises. He rolls up his magazine to use it as a fan. _Was it this hot before? Did Mr. Krabs put up the heat or something? No, he would never do that, it would cost him more money. It must be your imagination, Squidward. Just your imagination._

“One Krabby Patty with extra cheese, for my bestest buddy.” SpongeBob puts the plate on the windowsill for Squidward to take. He grabs it with his free tentacle and hands it to Patrick uninterestedly.

“Was this mine?” Patrick asks confused.

“Yes! And now leave me alone” Squidward calls out.

Later that day SpongeBob comes by humming a happy tune and dancing around with the plates in his hands. “One order for you, dear Bert, aaaand one for you, my always cheerful Doug. And this one is for the lovely lady at table number three. Here you go Lilly, made with L.O.V.E.”

He puts the plates on their tables and walks away humming the same tune and making a few twirls as goes back into the kitchen. Squidward makes an annoyed and uninterested sound. _Why does that stupid sponge love everyone, and why is he always so happy? I bet you he is drawing smiling faces with mustard now._

Squidward peers above the window to look at the fry cook, who indeed is drawing smiling faces on the patties. But before Squidward is able to retrieve from the window SpongeBob has noticed him and greets him with a big broad smile. “Hi Squiddy!”

“Ugh.” Squidward let’s himself fall back down but feels his cheeks growing warm once more. Again he peers above the window, a little bit more discretely this time, to watch SpongeBob assembling the Krabby Patties. He watches him for a couple of minutes until SpongeBob walks away to deliver them to the customers. Immediately he retrieves his head and feels ashamed. _Why are you watching him? Why do you feel this weird feeling inside your stomach when… No Squidward, no it can’t be!_

When SpongeBob walks towards the octopus he notices that he is staring at him and waves his free hand. “Helloooo Squidward!”

Squidward feels his stomach flutter and he has started to fiddle his tentacles nervously. SpongeBob walks past him and goes back to work, seemingly unaware of what Squidward is experiencing.

“Squidward?” SpongeBob awakes his friend from his thoughts.

Squidward finds himself resting on the windowsill and staring at the little sponge. Embarrassed he starts to stammer: “I…I… I was just c…checking if you were doing your work. And you are, so goodbye.”

“No, Squiddy, wait!”

Squidward puts his head back and looks into SpongeBobs sparkling blue eyes. He can feel his tentacles tingle and his stomach is twisting and turning. “What is it?” He tries to say as uninterested as possible.

“Why are you staring at me?”

“Uh… I… I…”

“Because you have been staring all day. When I was cooking, when I was delivering, when I was humming, when I went on my break, when I walked past you, when I wa---”

“Yes, we get it!” Squidward interrupts him, ashamed that he was staring at the creature while he was quite aware of it all this time.

“What’s wrong? Do I have my hat on the wrong way?” SpongeBob feels on top of his head to check. “Why are you looking at me?”

Sweat starts to form on Squidwards head. “I…I’ll be just a minute.” He rushes to the bathroom and opens up the door to one of the stalls and grabs a package of cigarettes from the place where he one day hid them for emergencies. He lights one up and takes a pull, slowly exhaling the smoke. _Why is this happening to you, Squidward? You have seen SpongeBob every single day for all these years and you have always hated him. Hated his laugh, his nonsense, his cute face and his gorgeous eyes--No, no, no! You. Hate. SpongeBob. You hate him!_

He exhales again and finds that his tentacles are shaking. A small string of smoke whirls around his head and he inhales the smell. He doesn’t really like it, but it has always helped him relax when he is nervous. Squidward takes one long pull and opens the door, only to reveal SpongeBob staring at him from the other side.

“SQUIDWARD! You are… smoking?!”

Squidward tries to quickly hide the cigarette behind his back in vain. “I…I only do it when I am nervous.”

SpongeBob walks closer to him and puts his hand on Squidwards shoulder, unaware that he is the reason why his friend is feeling like this. “Why are you nervous? Silly squid.”

“Sponge… SpongeBob, I… I…. Sponge….” Sweat is dripping down Squidwards face and the cigarette he is holding slips from his tentacle as soon as he feels SpongeBobs soft hand on his shoulder.

SpongeBob notices it and taps lightly on it with his shoe, making sure it won’t burn down the entire Krusty Krab. He looks up at his friend with genuine concern: “Squidward, you are acting weird. Is everything okay?”

“I… I… WHY IS THIS SO HARD!” Squidward calls out, shamefully putting a tentacle in front of his eyes. “SpongeBob… I love you. Okay… I love you, I love you.” He picks up the yellow sponge and screams it loudly to his face: “I LOVE YOU!” There you go, that is spoken.”

He lets go of SpongeBob a little dumbstruck, realizing what he just did, and puts him back on the ground.

“You - love - me? SpongeBob points at Squidward and then at himself, while looking at the octopus very confused.

_Why did I do that? Was it true? Do I love SpongeBob? No! But why did I yell it to his face than? Now he thinks you are a… loser. This will ruin all I had left in this miserable life! I have made it more miserable if that is even possible…_

“It isn’t… It’s not… I shouldn’t have said that. Forget it!” Squidward calls out, fighting back his tears.

SpongeBob looks at him with wide open eyes, not understanding why Squidward got scared all of a sudden and is taking back his heartfelt words. “But Squiddy…”

Squidward runs out the door before hearing SpongeBob finish his sentence.

“I love you too…” SpongeBob looks downcast, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

A few hours later Squidward is draped upon the couch at his home. A couple of empty bottles and glasses cover the table, the floor and even the television around him. A stain created by one of the alcoholic beverages covers the carpet next to his feet. Squidwards eyes are red and he looks upon the room tiredly and dreadful.

“Why did I say that to him? I never should have said that. What must he think of me! He will probably tell everyone I am into… boys. Into… HIM…” Squidward mumbles to himself, before taking another sip from the almost empty bottle he is holding in his tentacle.

He sighs and pulls himself up from the couch, staggering towards his window. He pushes his nose onto it, squashing his whole face upon the cold glass, looking at the dark night sky of Bikini Bottom.

It would have been quite calming and beautiful if only he hadn’t drunk that much. He stares outside for a while when suddenly his attention is grabbed by something moving on the other side.

Squidward bounces back from his window, but crawls back to curiously peer over the edge. The lights at SpongeBobs house are on, but there is nobody at his window. “It must be the alcohol talking” Squidward assures himself, only to hear a knocking on his door. He jumps up and hits his head on the opened window. “Barnacles!” he calls out, rubbing over the sore spot on his head. “You are seeing things Squidward, you just need some sleep. That will do you some good.”

Still rubbing his head he wobbles up the stairs, tightly holding onto the railing as he takes the steps upwards.

He doesn’t even bother to put on his nightshirt, he probably would have put it on the wrong way if he would have tried. He grins to himself at that thought, he wouldn’t be that stupid! _He is not SpongeBob!_

Quickly he puts a tentacle over his mouth in shock. _Did he say that aloud?_

“Calm down Squidward. Calm down. You are not thinking about that yellow mess of a sponge right now. You mustn’t!”

“Squiddy?”

“See, you can even imagine him talking to you. Don’t go insane now.”

“Squuiiiiidwaaaaard?”

“Now, that sounded an awful lot like…”

“Squidward!” Spongebob opens the door and looks at his friend in disbelief. “Are you alright?” he asks, looking directly at Squidward with his bright blue concerned eyes.

Squidward sighs: “Go away SpongeBob. Please…”

“I won’t leave you like this. You have been drinking… A lot.”

“Go away, stupid sponge!”

“You don’t know what you’re saying. I will stay with you until you fall asleep, and don’t you say no to me anymore” he says with a pouting face.

SpongeBob then notices a streak of blood on Squidwards head, gently dripping down onto his pillow. “SQUIDWARD! You are hurt!” He touches the wound lightly with his fingers, making a shiver go down Squidwards back. “I’ll get some bandages, plasters and a…. a… a sling!”

Squidward smiles a broken, gentle smile: “A sling goes around your arm, little stupid sponge.”

SpongeBob looks up at his friend and stares at him for a few seconds in silence, admiring his handsome features. The way his nose crinkles up when he laughs, his troubled watery eyes, the blue color of his skin… He feels his cheeks growing red. “I…I’ll get some bandages than.”

Squidward grabs hold of his hand: “Please stay, little sponge.”

“But the blood…”

“I’ll put some new sheets on. Please, hold me.”

“I thought you wanted me to f…forget what you said earlier t…today” SpongeBob trembles, trying to squeeze his fingers out of Squidwards tentacle.

Squidward tightens his grip, pulling SpongeBob closer to him. “You are so handsome, so spongey, so… so… Your lips are so….” He forces SpongeBob onto his mouth, kissing him passionately.

The yellow sponge changes into a weak, fragile being in his forcing tentacles. It has been too long since he had this feeling, and maybe it is just the alcohol talking, but this sponge could give him what he needs now. He puts his tentacle inside SpongeBobs pants and makes a soft moaning sound.

SpongeBob jumps a little in shock, but Squidward is holding him tightly in place, still kissing him with a burning desire that is welling up inside his entire body.

He takes off SpongeBobs pants and rolls on top of him, ready to receive him.

Before Squidward can do anything else SpongeBob loosens his lips from Squidwards, and turns to him: “I don’t want to do this. Not like this…”

Squidward opens his eyes for the first time and looks at the fragile being beneath him. He only now sees the tears running down SpongeBobs cheeks, soaking the pillow underneath his head. In an instance Squidward is sober and draws back from SpongeBob, crawling backwards out of his bed. SpongeBob is lying in his bed in his underwear, with the sheets messily covering half of his body. He has never seen the little sponge so frightened and tiny before, and he instantly regrets everything he has done. It sure was the alcohol taking over. “I… I’m sorry Sponge… I didn’t mean to…”

*

“…do this. I really didn’t mean it, Squiddo!”

Squidwards mind flashes back to his college days, the days where everything went from simple to tragic.

“You always say that Squilly… You make me feel bad.”

Squilliam puts his arms around a shy and shivering young Squidward to reassure him. “But I love you, dearest Squiddo, and I always will.”

“You really do?”

He nods and strokes Squidwards long blonde hair sensitively. “Now, don’t be scared any longer. Don’t resist it.”

Squidward looks up at Squilliam with big frightened eyes. “Don’t hurt me. Please, don’t hurt me Squilly.”

“I won’t.” He pulls up Squidwards turtleneck sweater and strokes his bare chest with his tentacle.

“I am scared!” Squidward calls out in a sudden panic. “I don’t want to do this! Squilliam, get off me!”

But the more Squidward tries to break loose, the harder Squilliam pins him down to the ground. “You have been resisting me for WAY to long now!”

Tears are forming in Squidwards eyes as Squilliam looks at him with angry, bloodshot eyes. He starts to hyperventilate and calls out for help, but his screaming is stifled by Squilliams tentacle as he forces his other tentacle up his siphon.

The tears are now streaming down Squidwards face and falling onto the floorboards beneath him. He squeezes his eyes tightly shut, trying to fight the pain Squilliam is causing him.

The heavy browed octopus keeps going at it roughly, making Squidwards body hurt in every little place, and before he knows it… he inks himself.

Squilliam pulls his tentacle out in disgust and calls out: “YOU INKED ALL OVER ME! You inked all over my beautiful clothes! You…” Then his facial expression changes, as if he had just discovered something wonderful, and he repeats what he said, only now in a bribing way: “You _inked_ yourself.”

Squidward laboriously sits up straight, looking at the mess he made in his room, and then up at Squilliam. His lip starts quivering and his cheeks are bright red, filled with pain and exhaustion.

Squilliam is standing inside his doorway, giving him a smirk and making his brow go up and down. “I love you so much, dearest Squiddo. See you tomorrow.” He closes the door and leaves Squidward all alone on the cold and now stained floor.

Squidward falls back down and curls up into a tiny ball, sobbing quietly to himself as he whispers: “He DOES love you Squidward, he really DOES love you.”

*

Squidwards lip is quivering. “SpongeBob… I am sorry! I am so sorry! I’m just like Squill---”

He bites his lip before he can say the name aloud. But SpongeBob doesn’t seem to be listening to him anyway. He picks up his pants and runs out the door, leaving a trail of tears behind him.

Squidward drags himself into bed again. _I can’t believe I did that! Poor Spongebob! You can never look at yourself again, not ever!_ He falls asleep ashamed and sobbing.

*

“Hello my dearest Squiddo.” Squilliam winks at Squidward as he suggestively closes the door behind him. “How are you today?”

Sweat is forming on Squidwards head as Squilliam walks closer towards him. “I… I am fine.”

“Good.” Squilliam unbuckles the overalls Squidward had put on today and pushes him to the floor. “Open your feet up for me.”

“Don’t you love me, Squilly?” Squidward asks timidly, forcefully keeping his four lower tentacles close together, out of Squilliams reach.

“Ofcourse I love you!” Squilliam laughs a little sly.

“Than… can we not do this? Please?”

“My dear Squiddo! There is no loving without this!” He puts his tentacle on top of Squidwards knees. “Now open up for me… my ahum… my love.”

Squidward puts his eyes downcast and does as Squilliam tells him. _He loves you Squidward. And he knows what he is doing. Of course you have to do this. Squilliam knows what love is._

Squilliam puts his tentacle inside and greedily moves it about, again stifling all of Squidwards screams and sounds. Squidward can’t help himself tearing up once more but tries to keep in mind that Squilliam is true to his words; he is being loved.

“Why don’t you…” Squilliam calls out furiously, pulling Squidwards hair. “Why don’t you…!”

Squidward is scared by the anger welling up inside Squilliam and…

“You inked! Per-fect!” Squilliam calls out, retrieving his tentacle. “Perfect!” He kisses Squidward on his forehead and strokes through his long hair. He leaves behind a small streak of black ink onto the blonde locks before walking away. “You are just _sooo_ wonderful my Squiddo.”

As soon as Squilliam closes the door Squidward picks up his overall from the floor. They are covered in ink, as well as his brand-new white suede shoes he saved up for. A single tear drops down from his cheek onto his bare chest. _It is worth it Squidward, because you are finally being loved by someone. You can save up for those things again. You’ll have something to look forward to for the rest of the year._ But still his lip kept quivering as he put his beloved shoes inside the trashcan.

Later that day Squidward has his clarinet under his arm when he walks towards class for that afternoon. He has practiced for this solo for a couple of months now, and he is anxious to show it to everyone and to finally reveal his talent. If he does well enough, he might be able to get a spot in the renowned Bikini Bottom Band. Proudly he walks the hallway, repeating the verses in his head and even humming to himself. He has almost reached the door to the classroom when he notices some giggling behind him. He turns around to look where the sound comes from. As soon as he turns around the giggles change to a loud laughing while the three boys are pointing at him. “That’s the guy that inked himself! Ha ha ha!”

Squidward bites his lip and ignores the three boys. They are probably trying to make him feel bad, so he won’t do this performance. But nobody can stop him from showing his talent!

Then, once again, he can hear laughing behind him. He looks behind his shoulder with an annoyed look on his face and is startled to not only see the three boys but a dozen others laughing at him. “He is such a loser! He inked himself! And twice too! Loser, loser, loser!”

Squidward puts his tentacle in front of his eyes and runs back towards his room as fast as he can, locking himself inside. He slides down besides the door onto the ground, pulls his knees up and cries long and loudly, resting his head on top of his knees.

*

Squidward wakes up in a panic. “It was just a dream. It’s all in the past, Squiddo.”

He swallows uncomfortably when he realizes he had called himself a name he hasn’t been called in a long time. A name he wishes he never has to hear again. “Squidward” he corrects himself, although there isn’t anyone around to hear him speaking his thoughts out loud.

The time on his gold alarm clock shows him that it is 6:30. Squidward sighs. He might as well get up since he won’t be able to fall back asleep.

Only when he steps out of bed he realizes the effect the alcohol has had on him. He isn’t used to drinking this much in a short period of time, but SpongeBob…

The thought enters his mind before he can shake it away. _SpongeBob… SpongeBob… You have HURT SpongeBob…_

“No, no, no!” he calls aloud and quickly shakes his head to try and get rid of the thoughts from last night. Luckily he won’t have to see him today, because it is his day off. He might take a nice warm bath with his favorite bubbles and wash that horrible night off. He puts his pink slippers on and ties his purple bathrobe around his body. They both feel very nice and warm and he finds himself feeling snug as he opens the door to his bathroom. He turns the faucet on and lets the steaming hot water fill the tub while he puts on his shower cap. Knowingly, he tries to avoid his own face in the mirror today, it won’t show anything anyone wants to see.

The water is the perfect temperature when Squidward steps in, and the pink bubbles forming smell like roses, one of his favorite soaps. “Aaahhh, finally some time to relax again.”

As soon as Squidward closes his eyes he is interrupted by a loud sobbing outside his house. “What now?!” He peers above the window to see Patrick in front of SpongeBobs door, crying buckets of tears. “SpongeBob! Let me in! SpongeBob! I am your best friend, your bestest, bestest-estest, bestest bestest bestest friend! Am I no-oh-ot?”

Squidward sighs and lets himself sink deeper into his bath. _That sea star will leave in a minute, when he realizes it is way too early for SpongeBob to get up._ _Try and relax for a few more minutes and --- wait a minute! Why do you know at what time SpongeBob gets up? And why are you thinking about him again? Stop thinking these thoughts!_ “Ugh!” Squidward calls aloud, and suddenly realizes Patrick won’t stop crying until his best friend walks out the door. “Dear Neptune, must I do EVERYTHING in this stupid little town?!” He dunks his head under water one last time, ties his robe tightly around his dripping body and walks outside towards the sobbing pink creature next door.

“PATRICK!” he calls out. “Patrick! You realize it is very early in the morning, don’t you?”

The sea star looks up at him in surprise: “Uhhhh… no. My watch says it’s ten past, uh… uh… ten past yesterday!”

“Patrick. You _drew_ that watch on your hand.” Squidward rolls his eyes as he puts up Patrick’s hand in front of his face. Patrick laughs a little sheepishly: “Oh yeah. Then it must be ten past today!”

Squidward slams his tentacle on his head. “Patrick, go home and wait for SpongeBob to wake up. Okay?”

Patrick nods, but keeps standing where he is and gazes blankly into the distance.

“PATRICK!”

“Oh yeah. Go home. Okay. See ya, Squidward.” He slowly walks towards his rock and seems to have forgotten he was waiting for SpongeBob all along.

“And now, back to my rose bath!”

At two in the afternoon Squidward starts feeling a little uneasy. Patrick visited SpongeBobs house several times, but he always walked away either crying or angrily stomping his feet. Squidward looks out of his window, but the lights at SpongeBobs house are still off, and nothing seems to have moved. _You have hurt him terribly Squidward, he doesn’t even want to talk to his best friend anymore. Maybe I should go and visit him. But I am sure he doesn’t want to see me ever again._

He picks up his clarinet and practices a new song, but his mind keeps going back to SpongeBob. “Maybe one of these other songs will work.” He picks up another composition written by one of his favorite players and practices it. Halfway through he can hear a loud knocking outside. It is Patrick who is knocking at SpongeBobs door again. Squidward sighs and puts down his clarinet, playing simply won’t work today. Patrick continues to knock for a couple of minutes before leaving. Squidward tries to see if something is moving inside his neighbor’s house, however everything is still very quiet and dark. “Come on, you HAVE to check on him. Even if he doesn’t want to see you” Squidward tells himself and picks up his final strength to walk out the door.

With sweaty tentacles he knocks on the door. “Sponge?”

There is no response, so he tries once more. “SpongeBob, it’s me. Open up.”

But the only sound coming from the pineapple is a soft meow from Gary. _At least he has taken care of his pet snail, otherwise Gary would have been looking for food everywhere. Maybe SpongeBob just needs some rest._ Squidward walks home, deciding to leave his neighbor alone.

While Squidward is cooking dinner, he looks out of the window a lot and can’t help thinking about SpongeBob all the time. _Did he eat at all today? Is he feeling lonely? Is he cold? Is he feeling sad? Should I visit him and bring him something to eat? Should I leave him alone? No, I can’t do that! But can I visit him?_

He drains the vegetables and puts them on a plate next to his mashed potatoes, only to find that he isn’t really hungry anymore and is only worrying about the little sponge he has hurt so terribly last night. His mind is racing back and forth and before he notices it the clock is ticking nine ‘o clock and he has been holding a cold plate of food for three hours. “I can’t take it any longer!”

Squidward runs out the door and towards his next-door neighbor. He uses all his strength to break through the door. He slams it open against the wall, creating a loud noise that echoes across the street, and comes barging in.

The lights are all off and it is pitch black inside. Gary meows a sad, tiny sounding meow before disappearing. _This isn’t good at all… In fact; it is really bad. It is terrible!_

“SPONGEBOB, WHERE ARE YOU?”


	2. Ink, tears and dancing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, a big thank you to everyone who has been leaving kudos, commenting and reading my story. It means so much to me :)
> 
> Little explanation to this chapter: SpongeBob can often be seen drinking milk/eating ice cream as an ‘alternative to’ or ‘a wink to’ alcohol in the series (the only episode I can think of right now being SpongeBuck and in the SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, but there are others) and I thought it would be funny and very much like his spongey self to keep that in, rather than have him drink actual alcohol like Squidward.

Squidward puts on the light and reveals a big mess inside the pineapple home. Cartons of milk are leaking on the floor, a couple of half-empty vanilla ice cream containers have started to drip, and Gary’s bowl is stacked to the top with his brownish food. The snail is silently nibbling at a few of the flakes that have fallen out, but he seems very sad. _Can a snail even look sad? And what is going on with all these… dairy products?_

Squidwards stomach turns around, but not in a pleasant way this time. He leaves the living room and rushes up the stairs. The milky mess is covering the steps, making them stick to his tentacles.

Standing in front of the bedroom door he can hear, perhaps the most silent sound he has ever heard coming out of this creature, a quiet sobbing.

He finds his heart racing when he puts his tentacle on the doorknob and turns it around. “SpongeBob?” he speaks as he gently opens the door.

The room is pitch black, apart from a small streak of light coming from the window. It reveals a motionless sponge lying on his bed, facing away from Squidward.

“Sponge?”

SpongeBob doesn’t respond, and maybe only appears to have huddled up even more.

“SpongeBob, I….I…” Squidward warily reaches out to him and touches his side softly.

He is very afraid that SpongeBob will not speak to him because he has hurt him so badly, but the feeling of helping him is overwhelming. He says his name again and sits down next to the sponge, who is still facing away, but luckily not yelling at him to leave.

“I… I don’t know what to say…” Squidward begins, nervously fiddling his tentacles. _I really need a cigarette, why did I leave them under that tile at work?_ “Can I talk to you?”

SpongeBob neither agrees nor disagrees, so Squidward takes it as a yes and continues to talk in his most gentle, sweet voice.

“I… Can I tell you a story?” he asks, knowing that SpongeBob has always adored hearing stories, especially the couple times _he_ did. Once again he receives no response. “Let me tell you about the time I moved to Tentacle Acres and what I saw at the park there…”

While he is telling his story, Gary has come up the stairs, presumably happy to finally be with his owner and is huddled in between Squidward and SpongeBob. Normally Squidward would find this extremely unsanitary, but for now-- and if it comforts SpongeBob, he won’t comment on it.

When he is finished telling his story SpongeBob has draped his hand around Gary’s shell, but hasn’t moved otherwise.

“I’m sorry Sponge, I’ll leave you.” Squidward looks at his neighbor a little disappointed because he never moved, yet mostly sad because _he_ is the one that made SpongeBob feel like this. He stands up from the bed and lets his shoulders down. But before he is able to walk away the yellow creature finally moves. He turns around, looks at Squidward with red, watery eyes and dirty smears all over his face and voices: “Stay with me, please.”

*

“Squilly! Stay for a while… Please.” Squidward grabs hold of Squilliams hand, covering it in ink. Squidward is lying on the floor in a puddle of the same black liquid, his eyes watery and his legs sore. “What should I stay for?” Squilliam retrieves his hand from Squidwards grip and looks at the stain in disgust, before suavely adding: “My dearest Squiddo.”

“I… I… I want to ask you to go to this dance with me.” Squidward holds up a ‘Dance Now’ magazine, showing the advertisement to Squilliam.

Squilliam kneels before Squidward and softly kisses him on his nose. “I’d rather keep this—thing we have a secret, you handsome Squid.”

“Please, Squilly. I have done so much for you. PLEASE go with me. I promise you there won’t be anyone you know. I love you Squilliam, please go” Squidward begs him with tears forming in his eyes, holding on tightly to Squilliams four legs.

Squilliam removes the tentacles from his legs with a barely audible ‘ugh’, but sits down next to Squidward, careful not to stain his clothes in the puddle of ink.

Squidward shows him the advertisement again in detail. “I can take my boat, a…a…and we could wear our fancy clothes, and dance together, just like this.” He points at a couple engaged together in a slow dance. The arms of the male fish draped upon the woman’s shoulders. “I would like that, wouldn’t you?”

Squilliam is brushing through Squidwards long silky hair with his tentacle, seemingly considering his offer. “You will take _your_ boat?”

Squidward nods enthusiastically, looking at his companion with eager eyes.

“And there won’t be anybody we know?”

“No, Squilly. This is out of town a…and I assure you there will be nobody. Will you go?”

“Alright, but don’t expect me to LIKE it… ahum… my darrrling.” He kisses Squidward on his chest and places his tentacle near the spot between his four legs, making Squidward shiver at the touch.

When Squilliam is gone Squidward gets up and cleans up the ink stains from the floor. He is getting used to the pain Squilliam causes him almost every day and takes a quick shower to get rid of the access ink on his body. He even finds himself humming in happiness thinking about going to the dance with his dear Squilliam. _See? He does love you, Squidward. He really DOES love you!_

Later that week Squidward looks at his closet, displeased with the amount of fancy clothing he has actually got. With his beautiful white suede shoes thrown out he would have to wear his everyday brown leather shoes, but it will have to do. He goes through the clothes on his hangers. _Overalls, no. Turtlenecks, no. But this blue buttoned up shirt will do the job. And if I add these black slacks it won’t be THAT bad._ He drapes the items on his tentacle and looks in the mirror. _Maybe I can put a tiny braid in my hair, or I could make curls... Yes! Squilliam will love my outfit for sure!_

Squidward spends the rest of the day getting ready for the dance and takes a long last look at himself that evening before he will meet Squilliam outside. His blonde hair curls up smoothly just below his shoulders and his face is glowing with excitement and even his simple outfit fits him perfectly. He smiles at his reflection and whistles a tune when he walks out the door.

He reaches his boat where Squilliam is already waiting for him. “Where were you?” Squilliam hisses, tapping the door of the boat impatiently.

“I was…” Squidward stares at the wonderful outfit Squilliam has put together and suddenly forgets what he wanted to say. He is wearing a shimmering black tuxedo with a light maroon shirt showing from the button where his suit is opened slightly. He has got the same maroon colored shoes, and his hair is looking wavy and smooth. “You look incredibly handsome!” Squidward calls out and tries to give him a quick peck on his cheek.

Squilliam turns his head away from him: “Don’t do that. Now, let’s get out of here.”

Squidward ignores the sad feeling welling up inside because Squilliam didn’t let him kiss him and opens up the door for his date before getting behind the wheel and driving towards the dance.

“After you.” Squidward is holding the door open to Squilliam, who rushes inside and looks around to see if there indeed is nobody that he knows.

Squidward tries to grab hold of his hand, but Squilliam moves it away from him. “I don’t like that, it’s… uh… childish.”

The disappointed feeling quickly washes away from Squidward when he looks around the hall they’re walking in. The walls are a beige marble, as is the floor, and little fountains are symmetrically placed along the way towards the main area. “Isn’t this beautiful?” he calls out unbelievingly, looking at his date to see if he feels the same way. Squilliam breathes out some air and hums unamused, although Squidward knows he is very much into interiors like this one.

As they reach the dancing area Squidwards mouth drops when the beauty is revealed. _It looks even better than on the pictures!_ He grabs Squilliams tentacles before he is able to stop him and drags him towards the dance floor. Purple banners are draped over the balconies matching with the purple fabric on the chairs at the tables on either side of the dance floor. The white-grey marble seems to sparkle with the light from the stars coming through the windows on top of the roof, and the crystal chandeliers make for a gentle, glowing light in the room. “Look, the flowers!” Squidward points excitedly at some white and purple alliums placed inside glass vases spread across. He ignores Squilliams murmuring and walks towards the dance floor where a few couples are already embraced and slowly dancing to the piano music.

“Dance with me” Squidward puts his tentacles on Squilliams shoulders just like the other couples have done and gently sways to the sound of the piano. Squilliam puts his hands on Squidwards back and follows his steps. They stay embraced like this for some time until a man takes the stage. He has a microphone in his fin and drags along the long piece of cord attached to it.

“Welcome everyone to the annual ‘Daley Middleton Estate’ dance. Hosted by me, your beloved editor of the ‘Dance Now’ magazine; Daley Middleton! Please enjoy yourselves with Billy Fishkins and his violin.”

An olive brown anchovy dressed in a grey tuxedo and heavily framed glasses steps on stage and places his violin on his shoulder. Before the romantic, soft tunes fill the room he greets everyone attending the dance: “Meep.”

The couples embrace each other and move away from Billy, suddenly leaving Squidward and Squilliam by themselves in the lit-up area near the stage. A few people standing at the sides of the dance floor are now watching them.

Squidward is glowing with all the attention turned towards him and his beloved Squilliam, and he takes his tentacles in his. “Will you take this dance from me?”

Squilliam smirks at him suspiciously and takes his tentacles back. “Not before doing this, dearest Squiddo.”

He puts a tentacle on Squidwards hips, slowly and suggestively moving down a little, careful as to not draw the watching people’s attention to what he is doing.

Squidward is feeling tiny in his arms and the all too familiar feeling of the pain Squilliam causes him rises up inside him. _He won’t do it… Squidward, keep it together! He won’t do it on stage…_

“Squilliam, stop” he says in a hoarse voice and tries to get rid of the tentacles surrounding him. _It won’t happen. Squidward, don’t let it happen. Don’t le---_

Screams and disgusted sounds fill the room as everyone rushes out. A black cloud of ink surrounds the stage, and Squidward drops to the floor crying. Squilliams laugh fills the room as he puts his tentacle on the crying octopus sitting below him, finally revealing his true intentions. “You will always be a loser, ugly Squid. You thought I actually loved you?! I don’t do losers like you. I will always be better, and you—you will forever be in my shadow, inky loser.” He kicks Squidward down onto the floor and holds his hand up: “Give me the keys. NOW!”

Squidward reaches inside his slacks and hesitantly gives the keys to his boat to Squilliam.

“Good. And I think they’re going to let _you_ clean this mess up. Goodbye, loser. Ha ha ha.”

Squidward curls up in a ball, quietly crying as the ink clears away around him. His clothes are covered with it, along with the floor and his tentacles.

As soon as the other fish come walking back, Squidward has left the building and walks alongside the road back towards college on his own, leaving a trail of ink, tears and embarrassment.

*

Squidward shakes away his memories and holds SpongeBobs hand. “I’ll stay with you, however long you wish. Can I get you anything?”

SpongeBob shakes his head. “Please tell me another story.”

A small smile appears on Squidwards face, happy that he finally got the sponge to talk. He lays down next to him and rests his tentacles under his head. SpongeBob moves a little closer to him but keeps Gary in between them so their skin doesn’t touch each other. “Tell me about when you were younger.”

Squidward gulps loudly: “Uh… well… I---I know something better.”

 _Think Squidward, think! What does SpongeBob like? It has to be so good he won’t ask about my past again. Think, think, think… Aha! The Krusty Krab, of course!_ “I want to tell you about my first day at the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs was there, and also Jim. Oh and…”

In the middle of telling his story Squidward has noticed that it has grown very quiet next to him. He turns around and looks upon both SpongeBob and Gary sleeping cuddled together. He watches the sponge’s relaxed breathing for some time and feels his own eyes getting heavier with each passing minute, until finally he falls asleep too.

Squidward wakes up calm and well rested. He stretches his tentacles high in the air and opens his eyes. For a second he doesn’t know where he is until the memories from last night flash through his head and he finds himself smiling with joy. The joy is quickly gone when he feels something slimy crawling on top of him. “GARY! GET OFF ME!” He jumps up from the mattresses and removes the snail crawling over his shirt. “Disgusting!”

Gary, seemingly undisturbed, has started to move his way out of the room, presumably towards his food bowl. Squidward looks down at the shirt he slept in, which is now covered in slime. _Gross!_

He gets up from SpongeBobs bed and notices a bright pink note on his foghorn alarm clock. Squidward removes the sticky paper from the time-display and reads it.

**Hi Squidward,**

**I have gone to work. Thank you for staying with me.**

**Help yourself to some food before you go.**

**Love, SpongeBob **☺****

Squidward can’t help himself from blushing. _He wrote ‘love’, and he wrote it to YOU! But he always loves everybody, so it probably means nothing at all and ---_

“Work! I am late for work!” Squidward calls out in a panic and looks down at his slimy shirt. _I’ll borrow something from SpongeBob, it’ll have to do._ He opens up the drawer and takes off his T-shirt to change it to one of SpongeBobs white shirts. It is a little big on him, but better than nothing.

He runs down the stairs, almost tripping over Gary in his haste and runs all the way towards the Krusty Krab.

He opens the glass door and takes his place behind the register, panting and sweating. SpongeBob appears from behind the window just as Squidward turns around to see if his coworker has arrived. Simultaneously they start speaking.

“Sorry for…” SpongeBob says.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” Squidward speaks.

_How did SpongeBob know what I was going to say? He said sorry before he heard my words…_

Before Squidward is able to question him, Mr. Krabs has come out of his office and walks quickly towards the register. “Mr. Squidward, you are late” he coolly says.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Krabs, I had some… trouble.”

“Trouble getting up, eh? WELL YOU ARE STAYING UNTIL EVERY SINGLE SPOT IN THE KRUSTY KRAB IS CLEANED!” He walks away and closes the door to his office with a loud smack.

Squidward sighs. He wanted to watch his favorite show on television tonight, but when Mr. Krabs gets that angry, there is no arguing.

SpongeBob, who had disappeared from the window when their boss entered the room, comes back up: “Nice shirt Squidward.”

“I… I hope it’s okay. Gary got his slime all over me and---"

“Do you want me to stay with you to clean up tonight, Squidward?”

“No, that’s okay.” _He needs some rest, and probably some time away from you._

“Oh… okay” SpongeBob answers, disappearing again. _Did that sound… disappointed?_

The first half of the day it is awfully quiet behind Squidward. Normally the kitchen would be filled with SpongeBob tapping his shoes, humming tunes, playing drums with his spatula, laughing, etc. Sometimes Squidward looks through the window to reveal the sponge doing his work without much pleasure. _You broke him, Squidward! This is the most terrible sight I have seen in my entire life. You made him unhappy, YOU did this!_ He feels his lip start to quiver and quickly turns around so he faces the dining area again.

A customer interrupts his thinking and the overwhelming sad feeling that started to well up inside him. “Can I have some fries?”

“Anything else?” Squidward asks, trying his hardest to keep his voice from trembling.

“Maybe I’ll have a Krabby Patty too.”

Squidward writes it down on a piece of paper and hands it to SpongeBob without looking at him: “New order.”

A couple of hours before the Krusty Krab closes SpongeBob seems to have returned to his normal cheerful self again, slowly but steadily. Squidward enjoys watching him in secret to reveal the fry cook lightly tapping his feet or clip his fingers to his inner music. Eventually the power of the Krabby Patty has him feeling his old self and dancing around when he hands the orders to the customers. _Of course it would, that kid is obsessed with everything Krusty Krab related! But nothing related to… me. Look at how happy he is when you aren’t talking to him. He is better off without me. I will never bring up that horrible night again. In fact, I will leave him alone..._ Squidward gulps. _Forever._

It has turned dark outside when Squidward is all alone, kneeling on the floor of the Krusty Krab. He is removing stains from the floorboards with one of Mr. Krabs old, torn apart dishcloths. He has just finished sweeping the floors and is trying to get home faster by removing the toughest stains before mopping. He simply refuses to get rid of the chewing gum underneath the tables, it is the grossest thing he can think of. If it gets him fired, well, so be it. Mr. Krabs can’t complain because he has swept, cleaned the kitchen, cleaned the register, cleaned his office and is now ready to mop the floors.

He growls annoyed when he picks up the mop from a closet in the kitchen. He has now not only missed _one_ of his favorite shows, but two. And he has worked overtime for way longer than he was late this morning. He puts the mop down on the floor with such force that it splatteres some water on top of his shirt. “Just what I need!” He wipes away the access water from his shirt and notices the pink note he had put inside his pocket this morning. Leaning on the mop he opens it back up and reads SpongeBobs words. _He did enjoy you staying with him it seems. Or was it a lie? It must be a lie. SpongeBob can’t NOT be nice to anyone and that includes you. But he wrote love, and he wanted you to eat. He must still like you, doesn’t he?_

Squidward feels his cheeks grow red and his body warming up. “He still likes me!” he calls out happily and swings the mop from side to side, before letting it make a pirouette and catching it in his tentacles the way you would do it while you are dancing.

He cleans the kitchen, the dining area and Mr. Krabs office while practicing some dance moves with the mop and finds himself humming a tune as he sways around with it. “I haven’t felt this alive in so long!” he cheers and holds the mop close to his face as if he was about to kiss his date after a fancy dance. For a moment he stares at it in silence, before bursting out laughing. “You’ve done it this time, Squidward!’

He puts the mop back inside and walks towards his home again, still humming the tune he came up with. Halfway there an old feeling wells up inside. _I should write this down to play on my clarinet tomorrow!_ He now rushes back towards his house and excitedly opens up the door, turns on the lights and takes place at his desk. He grabs some white sheets of paper and draws lines on them the way actual music sheets have.

The first few chords are on the paper before he knows it and he taps his feet to the music inside his head, feeling proud--- feeling great--- feeling wonderful!

He hasn’t done this in so many years! Not since…

_Squilly._


	3. The right way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter of Squidward trying to find out what he really feels like, poor him. And is it just me, or do I hear all the characters speaking their lines in my head when I read? Especially Squidwards voice is very clear :’)

Since Squilliam left him nothing has made sense to Squidward anymore. He feels unwanted once again and is drowning himself in sorrow. He fails exam after exam, and the tunes coming out of his clarinet sound miserable. He often cries himself to sleep, aching to feel loved. But he knows he will probably never feel that wonderful feeling again. He still has a soft spot for Squilliam, but ducks away every time he comes in sight, afraid that he will hurt him. The whole school has been talking behind his back, and everyone calls him names whenever he walks somewhere. He has become what he so much tried to avoid; a loser.

One day he was playing a blue song on his clarinet when Squilliam came barging in his room. Squidward only barely saves his clarinet from falling to the ground and stares at him in terror. “What… What are you doing here?”

“You have to help me, Squiddo.”

Despite everything Squilliam has done to him he holds out his arms to comfort the seemingly panicked octopus. Squilliam runs into his arms and cries on his shoulder, soaking his shirt. “I lost my composition for today!”

Squidward curls up tiny strings of Squilliams hair whilst gently rubbing circles on his back with his other tentacle.

“C… can you help me? I love you, my dearest Squiddo.”

Squidwards lip starts to quiver as he tries to fight the tears. He was afraid he would never hear those words again. He puts up Squilliams chin so he is looking directly into his eyes. For a moment the two stare at each other in silence before he moves closer and plants his lips on Squilliams. Squilliam opens his mouth and twists his tongue around Squidwards’ in circles while going up his shirt with his tentacle.

Squilliam then retrieves himself from Squidwards kiss and gestures towards his desk. “What are all these papers? Did you write something?”

“I… I composed a little song…”

Squilliam holds up one of the sheets and looks at it, quickly scanning the chorus and notes. “Can I play this today?”

“I was planning on using that for---” Squidwards talking is stopped by Squilliam moving nearer and putting his arms around his body.

“But I LOVE you Squiddo. Don’t you want me to succeed in life?”

Squidward nods shyly, trying not to think about all the bad things Squilliam has done to him.

“I’ll take these then. And… I might see you tonight for some _fun_ times” Squilliam grabs the rest of the papers from Squidwards desk and winks before walking out again.

That night Squilliam comes hurrying back into his room, wearing the same maroon shirt he wore on the night they went to the dance. Squidward is sitting on his bed with his legs curled up and his head resting on top. As soon as he notices Squilliam he sits up straight and calls out: “Squilly! I thought you would never come!”

“Ofcourse I’d come! You helped me earn an internship in the Bikini Bottom Band, my dearest Squiddo.” He sits down next to Squidward on his bed and puts his tentacle on the lower part of Squidwards resting body. “Oh, how I’ve missed usin--- I mean having you.”

He pushes Squidward down and opens up his legs. “We can do this every time you want, little Squiddo of mine. All you have to do is write your pretty songs for me, hmmm…”

“A…and what about m…me?”

Squilliam kisses his chest, slowly moving closer to the edge and emphasizing every word with a kiss: “Take. An. Art. Class. Or. Something. Hmmmm…”

Squidward feels himself melting in Squilliams arms and his stomach twists and turns with every kiss planted on his bare skin. Without thinking he nods: “Everything for you, my Squilly.”

At that note Squilliam puts his hand up his siphon and Squidward jerks his whole body up in pain. “Don’t you feel loved again, inky lose--- l…lover?”

Squidward puts his arms around Squilliams neck and squeals: “Yes… Yes… I love you too.”

“I love your songs, Squiddo. They will make me important; they will make me feel loved. And you want me to feel the same way you are feeling right now, don’t you?”

Squidwards body is turning around in pain but his eyes look up at Squilliam lovingly. “Yes. I’ll write for you.”

Squilliam instantly pulls back and holds Squidwards head in-between his tentacles. “Than I’ll come back for you. My own handsome Squiddo.” Before he walks out the door he checks if anyone is around, not to show them he was with Squidward.

Squidward lets his head rest on his pillow for a while, thinking about the offer. _Would composing for Squilliam be bad? I could always take other classes and mayor in something else. As long as I keep writing for him he loves me. No, no, he will still love me if I don’t! But I’m going to write something beautiful for him… A love song and a ballad, and a---._

Squidward gets up from his bed and wraps the sheets around his naked body. He sits down at his desk and grabs an empty sheet of paper.

*

Squidward is fighting back his tears. Suddenly the composition he wrote, thinking about SpongeBob, feels like one big betrayal towards himself. He notices the sticky-note next to his composition and without thinking he tears the pink paper apart. In his anger he picks up his composition to do the same, but something is holding him back and he simply can’t get his tentacles to rip it up. He opens up the bottom drawer on his desk and stores it underneath some documents, locks it, and puts the key in the top drawer so it is out of reach. Looking at the pink fragments scattered on his floor he sighs. _Of course he never loved you, he couldn’t have. Nobody ever did…_ “It’s just like you have always told yourself, Squidward, _you_ are the only person you can depend upon, the only person you can trust.”

He walks toward his kitchen slouching and grabs some organic carrots out of the fridge. He drags himself to the couch and turns on the television. Because Squidward only left the Krusty Krab at eight it is quite late at night, and the only partially civilized programming on television is ‘Flounderman.’

He sinks into the couch as deep as he can and takes a bite from the crunchy vegetable, gloomily staring at Glandy McPinkfish singing a song. For some reason the most hideous thing they dare call ‘music’ is making him sleepy, and the carrot he was holding rolls down onto the ground as he closes his eyes and begins to breathe slowly and regularly. 

Some hours later he wakes up feeling uncomfortable and tired. The light shining through the window is telling him to get up for work, but his body telling him to stay where he is. Outside he can already hear SpongeBobs distinct calling: “I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready!” It is making him feel even more miserable, because seeing SpongeBob at work means he has to suppress all his feelings towards him. At last he is able to get up his feet and picks up the bag of carrots from the floor. They have gone lukewarm and feel a little soggy in his tentacles. “Gross! I should have cleaned that up.” he says, throwing the bag in the trash can.

He grabs a freshly washed T-shirt from his dresser and takes off SpongeBobs shirt, putting it in the laundry basket. He once again has not slept in his bed properly, and hasn’t put on his nightshirt in two days. He walks towards the bathroom, thinking about what has become of him these last couple of days. _You aren’t like this! When was the last time you let good food go to waste, didn’t wash yourself in two days, made a mess on your floor?_ A splash of cold water awakes him from his thoughts. He looks at his reflection in the mirror while drying his face and assures himself: “Just do what you normally do. SpongeBob annoys you; Mr. Krabs annoys you; the customers annoy you. You. Hate. People.” He sighs down-heartedly. “And people hate you.”

As soon as he sets foot behind the cash register SpongeBobs head pops up behind the window. “Good morning Squiddy!”

Squidward grumbles something back and tries to ignore the fluttering feeling in his stomach when he looks at SpongeBobs rosy, freckled cheeks and his ever-apparent smile.

“Can I tell you something?”

Squidwards heart skips a beat and he looks at SpongeBob with wide open eyes, stammering something unintelligible.

“I’ll tell you on our break” the sponge smiles, without realizing, or perhaps ignoring, Squidwards initial shock.

_What does he want to tell me? I did something bad, didn’t I? I need a cigarette… I have been needing them a lot lately. I shouldn’t let this kid get to me._

Squidwards attention is returned to reality when a pink fish has come up to the boat: “Can I order a Kelp Shake?” She hands him 2 dollars.

Squidward takes it and puts it in the register, writes the order down on a piece of paper so he doesn’t have to talk to SpongeBob and places it on the windowsill.

A moment later the the door flies open and the yellow creature hands the Kelp Shake to the customer after making a little bow. “Enjoy your shake, Margie, on the BEST. DAY. EVER!”

The pink fish takes it, laughing at the fry cooks’ way of serving, but of course everyone in Bikini Bottom knows what SpongeBob is like. “Thank you, Mr. SquarePants” she answers him with a bow of her own before taking place at a table.

Squidward looks up from his magazine. Normally he would find this behavior very childish, but it started to have a certain amount of charm to him. As long as he doesn’t show SpongeBob that he thinks it is kind of… adorable… it should be fine.

“Isn’t it the best day ever, Squidward?” SpongeBob is standing next to him, fiddling with his tie.

“Hmmm” Squidward hums, avoiding eye contact with his coworker.

“You’ll see” SpongeBob shyly faces the floor and then touches Squidwards tentacle for a brief moment.

Squidward feels his face grow red. “I… I have to go… to the--- the…. bathroom!” He runs towards the stalls and locks the door. _I can’t do this anymore! I can’t lie to myself any longer! I love that little kid. I love every single bit of him! His cute smile, his glistening crystal blue eyes, his personality, the way he laughs, the way he touches me, the way he sings and dances, I just---_

“I love him!” Quickly he puts a tentacle over his mouth. _Did I just yell that across the bathroom?_

“Yes, you did, Mr. Squidward.”

_Did I say that out loud too?_

Squidward unlocks the door to reveal Mr. Krabs with his claws resting on his side. Squidward gives him a phony smile.

“To my office, Mr. Squidward.”

Squidward takes place on one of the chairs and looks up at Mr. Krabs, uncertain of what will happen.

Mr. Krabs takes place behind his desk and faces him: “You’ve been slacking off. And by that I mean more than your usual slacking off.”

“Well, I…”

“So, you’re in love?” He says, emphasizing the ‘v’ in love.

Squidward answers him with some more stammering.

“You were screaming it across the bathroom, Mr. Squidward. And I don’t mind, as long as you do your job.”

“Thank you, Mr. Kr---”

“However, it surely seems like you _can’t_ do your job properly. I’ve been catching you going to the bathroom a lot, ignoring SpongeBob more than usual or watching him all day instead of helping me customers.”

Squidward nods, looking down at the floor.

“Is it that sponge?”

He looks up at Mr. Krabs, trying to judge his feelings towards this matter before answering.

“Well, Mr. Squidward?”

“Yes, Mr. Krabs.” His face is turning bright red and he bites his lip while quickly facing away from his boss opposite him, afraid of what he will think about this.

“Well, as long as you keep me money coming in. But if I miss out on one penny because of this…!” he threatens.

Squidward nods thankfully and leaves the office feeling lighter and fresh. _Was it that hard to tell him? He didn’t hate you; he didn’t scream or leave you; he didn’t fire you._ “Bummer…” he mumbles to himself, a small smile forming on his face. _And he didn’t look at you any different. Maybe I can tell SpongeBob--- again. The right way this time._

Before he can even take place behind the register Mr. Krabs has walked out of his office behind him. “It’s yer breaktime, SpongeBob… Squidward.” He playfully adds a little wink, making Squidward blush.

Of course it doesn’t take SpongeBob long to turn to Squidward, and the kitchen door flies open almost immediately.

“Squidward?”

The octopus hums as a response and turns around to see his coworker leaning onto the doorway, staring at him.

“I wanted to tell you something, remeeeember?” SpongeBob is wiggling back and forth on his toes.

“Yes, well, what is it?” Squidward tries to say everything as uninterested as possible in case SpongeBob will tell him something bad. Although it doesn’t look like it, with this oddly nervous behavior. But then again, it is still SpongeBob we’re talking about.

“Come in here, Squiddy. Please?” He points at the kitchen behind him, begging Squidward with his sparkling blue eyes.

“All right,” Squidward climbs out of the boat and follows SpongeBob inside, “but just for one moment.”

He swipes away some buns and takes place on the table, swinging his four tentacles back and forth. A thing he would never have done if he wasn’t about to tell SpongeBob…

The yellow creature takes place next to him and starts swinging his feet the same way. But for him, well, it simply isn’t that weird. “Squidward?”

“Yes, SpongeBob?”

“Well… I… Squiddy…”

“Tell me, SpongeBob”

“I… just… I….”

Squidward starts losing his patience a little. Their break will be over in a minute or two, since Mr. Krabs only allows them to have five minutes and he still needs some rest, and perhaps a cigarette to calm himself down again. “SPONGEBOB! Just tell me what it is you want to tell me and get it over with, okay?!” he beams at him.

SpongeBob looks at him a little hurt and Squidward instantly regrets his outburst. _Why can I never seem to be nice to him? Is it truly that hard?_

“T…that night I was at your house, Squiddy… I…”

“I don’t want to talk about it! I don’t want to hear it!” Squidward says, closing his eyes and putting his tentacles over his ears.

“But it’s nice…” SpongeBob whispers.

Squidward doesn’t hear it, talking right through his words. “Is that clear, SpongeBob?” He opens his eyes and looks down at the creature next to him.

SpongeBob nods, a little disappointed that he can’t tell his coworker what he wants to say. “Squiddy, can I ask you something else?”

Squidward nods, looking away from SpongeBob.

“W…why don’t you like m…me touching you?”

He looks up at SpongeBobs face again, redder than he has ever seen it, and knowing that his own face doesn’t look much better.

 _Okay, Squidward, it is now or never._ “But I do” he whispers, grabbing hold of SpongeBobs hand.

The sponge looks down at his hand, now inside Squidwards tentacle, and back up. “You always run away when I do it, a…and when I try to---”

Squidward interrupts him. “It’s not you, Sponge. Trust me.”

“But what is it, if it isn’t me?”

“It’s uh…” Squidwards heartbeat fastens and his tentacles start shaking. _Just tell him about Squilliam. It will be easier than talking about that night when you ruined everything. And after all, isn’t Squilliam a big part of why you are afraid? To be the same as he was? _“It’s something that happened a long time ago. I…In college.”

“What happened?” SpongeBob leans closer, always ready for story time; the little cute sponge that he is.


	4. Eels, escalators and soft lips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had to include the game from one of my favorite episodes in this story. I mean, don’t we all want to throw some   
> ES-CAAA-LAA-TORSS? Although Squidward is thinking about playing a completely different game ;)

“Okay, i…in college, uh…” Squidward trembles. Even though he has decided to tell SpongeBob the truth, that doesn’t mean it will be easy.

“You don’t have to tell me, Squiddy. You seem hurt.”

“No, I will tell you. Somebody needs to hear it after all these years.” He decides. “So… you know Squilliam?”

SpongeBob nods.

“Well…”

*

“Squiddo!” Squilliams voice startles a sleeping Squidward.

“What is wrong?” he questions with the sleep still in his eyes.

“I got offered a job at the Bikini Bottom Band. They want me as their clarinet player!”

Squidward sits up straight: “That is wonderful, Squilly. I am so happy for you.”

“I am going to need just one more song before I go.” He reaches with his tentacle under Squidwards nightshirt to make him shiver.

“When do you need it?” Squidward asks, moving along with Squilliams tentacle.

“In two days. Can you do that, dearest Squiddo?”

Squidward nods. “Kiss me, Squilliam.”

Squilliam leans closer and kisses his nose gently. He runs his tentacle through the long blonde hair, knowing that it is one of Squidwards favorite feelings. “I love your work, handsome.”

“I love _you_ , Squilly.”

Two days later Squidward knocks on Squilliams door.

Squilliam opens it wearing an expensive purple suit and pulls Squidward inside before anyone can see him talking to him.

“Have you got it?”

Squidward nods: “Yes, you are going to like this.”

Squilliam grabs it out of his tentacles and scans through it quickly. “YES! Now get out of my way!”

He pushes Squidward hard, making him fall down onto the ground.

“But… But…”

“You still think I love you, don’t you? Ha ha ha. Listen very carefully Squid-loser. I. Will. Never. Ever. Like. You.”

“But… the thing we had…”

“Don’t make me laugh!”

“You were using me!” Squidward calls out when he realizes he was never loved, tears rolling down his cheeks. “Using me for your own pleasure!”

“That’s right and also… thank you for this.” He waves around the sheets filled with Squidwards new composition. “I’m going to be living _your_ dream! Goodbye loser.”

Before leaving he leans closer to Squidward lying on the floor and kisses him on his silky hair. “My dearest Squiddo.”

He leaves Squidward alone on the ground, who is crying uncontrollably now.

After a while Squidward can hear a boat honking loudly and Squilliams laugh fading away. He pulls himself together and stands up to look out of the window. “Goodbye dreams” he whispers hoarsely.

*

“And that’s when I started locking people out. I never wanted to be hurt like that again, so I convinced myself everyone around me was bad.”

“So, you never _truly_ hated me?” SpongeBob asks, comfortingly stroking Squidwards tentacle. The light reflecting from his bright blue eyes are creating tiny sparkles inside them.

“No. Well, sometimes you can be a little annoying,” Squidward grins shyly, “but I never hated you, little Sponge. You have always been cute… handsome… wonderful… no… Perfect.”

SpongeBobs cheeks grow red and he starts twisting around his shirt.

“Yes, perfect” Squidward thinks out loud, not noticing SpongeBob has come closer to him.

“Squiddy, you are more perfect than I am. You are perfecter, the perfectest.”

Squidward smiles broadly now: “That’s not even a word, stupid Sponge.”

“It’s the perfect word for you” SpongeBob laughs before throwing his arms around Squidwards neck.

“Sponge, what… what…” Squidward trembles, remembering how he has previously hurt SpongeBob.

SpongeBob leans in, his eyes gently closed, as he tries to put his lips on Squidwards.

Squidward pushes him away. “I can’t do this, Sponge. I have hurt you very bad.”

SpongeBob smiles his cute little smile, looking Squidward deeply in his eyes. “You never hurt me, never, never never ever.”

“But… But that night after…”

“You didn’t hurt me, silly.”

“But… you ran away crying, and I… I… I forced you to—”

SpongeBob leans back from Squidward to look at his entire face. “Squiddy, what do you think happened that night?”

“I… I…”

“Because nothing did. I did run away crying but, well…”

“I’m so sorry Sponge. I hurt you. I am just like Squilliam, aren’t I?” Squidward says miserably.

SpongeBob grabs hold of his head firmly: “Let me tell you exactly what happened that night, because you don’t seem to remember at all.”

Squidward nods shyly.

“Let me start at the moment I said: ‘I’ll get some bandages, plasters and a…. a… a sling!’ And you smiled at me saying that a sling goes around your arm.” SpongeBob smiles timidly remembering this moment.

“And then?” Squidward interrupts his thoughts.

“You asked me to stay, ‘little Sponge’, so I did. And you wanted me to hold you, but I thought you wanted me to forget everything you said at me that day at work and I got scared. You called me handsome and tried to kiss me.”

“I’m sorry… I really didn’t want to hurt y---”

“Shhhh.” SpongeBob puts his finger on Squidwards lips. “Let me finish.”

“You _tried_ to kiss me, but I… I had never kissed someone, and I got scared. I wanted it with… with you… but I wanted it with you, well, sober. But I saw you really wanted it a--and I felt bad for not giving it to you and started to cry. At that moment you opened your eyes and got away from me as quick as you could. I… I thought I ruined it. I tried to apologize to you the other day.”

_So that’s why he said sorry! It wasn’t about not waking me up, oh you stupid Squid!_

“And that’s when you ran away crying… And I didn’t force you to do anything?”

SpongeBob laughs a little sourly: “N…no, we didn’t even kiss, dahahaha.”

“Dear Neptune,” Squidward mumbles, “I have been imagining things… I drank _way_ too much. And just now I ruined your first kiss again!”

SpongeBob crawls under Squidwards arms, looking up at his eyes and playfully adds: “It isn’t ruined until I’ve had it.”

Squidward laughs and turns SpongeBob around so he is facing him. “Come here, little Sponge of mine.”

“I… I am nervous Squiddy.”

“Don’t be, close your eyes.”

“Like this?” SpongeBob giggles nervously, his whole body shaking in-between Squidwards tentacles. 

“Yes, like that.”

“I…I…”

“It’s okay, Sponge. It’s just us.”

He pulls him closer and plants his lips on SpongeBobs soft lips, embracing the entire cute, little sponginess he is.

When he lets go they are both blushing and SpongeBob giggles at him with a crumpled smile. “That was the perfectest kiss I ever had.”

Squidward joins him in his giggling: “You don’t even have anything to compare it too!”

“But that can change, can it not?”

SpongeBob persuasively, yet a little timidly, climbs closer to Squidward and kisses him again.

When he lets go he looks at Squidward with the broadest smile he ever had: “I was wrong Squiddy. _This_ was the perfectest kiss I ever had.”

“Maybe it gets better with every kiss?”

“We better try again than,” SpongeBob laughs,”dahahahaha!”

“Maybe after work today” Squidward states, reminding him that they are leaning on a table filled with buns for the Krabby Patties.

The rest of the day is filled with frying, serving customers, making Krabby Patties and reading magazines at the cash register.

At six ‘o clock Squidward takes off his hat and peeks behind the door to the kitchen. “Sponge, are you ready to go home?”

“Just a minute Squiddy, I made you something.” SpongeBob is facing away from Squidward and appears to be assembling something with great precision.

Squidward leans against the door post, watching SpongeBobs cute tiny hands quickly move from one place to another. _He has beautiful hands, oh they are the most beautiful thing ever. Maybe he will touch you with them tonight; hold your face, run across your tentacles… Oh dear Neptune!_

“Tadaaaa!” SpongeBob turns around and happily shows his creation to Squidward. “I wanted us to eat something fancy tonight because I know you like that.”

He is holding two plates in his hands with on each one some ground up patty arranged in a cylinder shape and some other ingredients nicely displayed around it. The ketchup and mustard are smeared on the plate the way it looks in fancy restaurants.

“I hope you like it” SpongeBob says, looking up at Squidward a little insecure.

Squidward takes one of the plates and gives him a quick peck on his cheek. “I’ll try it, because you made it for me.”

“Thank y---”

“Ah, me two employees,” Mr. Krabs’ voice interrupts them, “you are staying in late today… Mr. Squidward.”

“I… uh…I…”

“Well, if you’re still here, better clean up that… mess you’re holding” Mr. Krabs says, pointing at the meal SpongeBob prepared. “And I hope you paid for that!”

SpongeBobs lip starts to quiver: “It’s not a m—m—mess.”

Squidward stands up for him. “Yes, we paid for it! And it’s NOT a mess.”

“Well then… If you’re finished here, you can mop up me floors before going home. I’ll go and see what me darling daughter is up to. Goodbye SpongeBob, Squidward.”

He leaves the kitchen humming a tune before Squidward can complain about staying late and a moment later the door is closed on them.

“Someday I’ll teach that barnacle-head a lesson” Squidward grumbles. “What about you, Sponge? Sponge…?”

SpongeBob is sitting on the floor with tears dripping down his cheeks.

“Sponge, are you okay?” Squidward asks with genuine concern.

SpongeBob grabs hold of his legs and pulls himself closer. “D…do you think it’s a mess t…too?”

Squidward kneels down so he is at the same height and holds up SpongeBobs head. “The only thing I’d call a mess here is that greedy crab.”

SpongeBob wipes his tears away with his hand. “Thanks, Squiddy.”

“And now let’s go home. Together.”

“But Mr. Krabs said…”

“I don’t care what he said, I am NOT staying late again. I want to go home and eat!”

“But what if he fires us?”

“It’d be my lucky day! Come on, Sponge, let’s leave this place.”

They both stand up and walk out the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob uses his key to lock the door behind them and then looks up at Squidward with a promising look on his face. “May I hold your hand?”

Squidward feels his face grow warm. _Everyone will know you like boys if you do this. Everyone will know you like SpongeBob if you do this. But would that be a bad thing?_

He grabs hold of SpongeBobs hand while holding the plates in his other tentacle. “ _You_ may always hold my hand.”

SpongeBob jumps up excitedly. “Thank you Squidward, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!”

“I must be careful what I promise you” Squidward murmurs but looks down at the excited creature with glistening eyes.

They walk hand in hand the entire way towards Conch Street. When their houses are in sight SpongeBob turns to Squidward. “Your house or my house?”

A blush forms on Squidwards face when he hears this question, to which SpongeBob probably didn’t know the hidden meaning behind.

“No, we can go to your house. I’ve always liked it very, very much” SpongeBob pulls Squidward with him.

“So that’s why you always come barging in” Squidward teases.

“No, silly, because I like _you_ ” SpongeBob giggles, poking Squidwards nose with his finger when he speaks the word ‘you’.

Squidward grabs his keys and opens the door. Even before he has switched the lights on SpongeBob has run inside excitedly and jumps up and down his couch.

Squidward closes the door behind him and puts the plates down on the table. “Please don’t do that” he says, firmly holding SpongeBob down with his tentacle.

“I’m sorry Squidward, I am just very excited for you to try my meal. I call it, the Fancy Krabby. Don’t you like that name? And I am also very excited to be here...,” his voice takes on a lower, more sensual tone, “together with you.”

Squidward coughs a little insecure and quickly picks up a plate before SpongeBob notices the redness of his face. “Well, let’s try this.”

SpongeBob is looking at his every move, his head resting on his hands and a hopeful smile fills his entire face.

“Aren’t _you_ going to try it?”

“I like watching you” SpongeBob admits.

Squidward takes a bite and is immediately sold to the taste of the ‘Fancy Krabby’. “It’s good Sponge. Dare I admit it is _very_ good.”

As soon as they have finished eating SpongeBob jumps up and grabs the plates from the table. “I’ll wash them up for you.”

“You don’t have to do that, it can wait unti---”

“Nonsense, Squiddy! I’ll be done in a second.” He waves around the fingers on his free hand. “You know how quick these can be!” He laughs and disappears into the kitchen.

Squidward gulps loudly. _Keep it together Squidward, he didn’t mean it like that. Keep it together! But those fingers, oh those fingers…_

SpongeBob whistles a happy tune while washing up. Squidward tries to focus on the sound of running water and forget about his feelings. He mustn’t rush this. He’s still only this little sponge.

“Oooooh Squidwaaaard!” SpongeBob calls from the kitchen. “What do you want to do next?”

“You.” Quickly he puts a tentacle over his mouth, did he really just say that out loud? I…I mean… we could play a board game or watch some television?”

“Yes! I’ll be right back!” SpongeBob rushes out the door, leaving a trail of bubbles from the dish soap behind him. A few seconds later he is back and holds up the box from ‘Eels and Escalators’.

Squidward looks at it a little unamused while SpongeBob puts the board down. “Which color person do you want to be, Squiddy?”

“I don’t care. Give me the blue one.”

SpongeBob hands it to him. “And I will be this one. My favorite color.”

They both put their person on the board and sit down on the floor in front of the table. “Youngest one goes first!” SpongeBob calls out, grabbing the dices before Squidward is able to speak a word. He throws two escalators. “Woohoo! Esca-laaators! Now it’s your turn, Squiddy.”

Squidward throws two eels and moves his person down the long green eel on the board.

“Now it’s my turn again!” SpongeBob throws the dices, landing on both an eel and an escalator. “Tartar sauce! All the way back to start! Your turn again, Squiddy.”

Squidward picks up the dice with a barely hearable sigh and throws it high up in the air. “Great, two eels again…”

“Oh, oh, oh, it’s MY turn!” SpongeBobs dices show two escalators. “Es-ca-laaaaa-tors! Wait, Squiddy, I can’t reach.” SpongeBob wriggles himself in-between Squidwards legs to move his person. “Your turn again.”

Squidward moves forward to pick up the dices and feels the warmth of SpongeBobs body against his while doing so. His soft sponginess touching the inside of his four lower tentacles and his hands resting on his knees so awfully close to---

He can’t keep his feelings inside any longer and hugs the little sponge between his tentacles tightly, whispering into his ear. “Sponge, I want to play some other game.”

SpongeBob turns around so he is facing Squidward and looks up at him confused for a second: “What game do you want to pl--- ohhh.” His cheeks are glowing red and he bites his lip.

Squidward kisses him passionately and slips his tongue inside SpongeBobs mouth. SpongeBob is startled for a second, but soon follows Squidwards lead. “Hmmpff” he moans when they let go of each other’s lips.

Squidward whispers: “Don’t tell me this is now your new perfectest kiss.”

SpongeBob shudders and kisses him again. “No, _this_ was.”

Squidward lifts him up and gently places him on the couch. He hoovers over him and kisses all the sensitive pores on his body, making SpongeBob moan a little before letting out a soft nervous laugh.

“It’s okay, Sponge” Squidward assures him sincerely before taking off his pants and throwing them across the living room. He teasingly kisses all the small pores that have now become visible.

“Squiddy, I love you” SpongeBob says in a shaking voice, the nerves reflecting from every part of his body.

“I love you more” Squidward notes, slowly moving his tentacles across SpongeBobs arms so he shivers at the touch. He can feel the burning desire growing with every part of his body that he touches, and he wants to give in to this feeling, but tries to take it easy for SpongeBob. He doesn’t want to hurt him like Squilliam did to him all these years ago.

“Squiddy, I’m scared” SpongeBobs nervous giggling fills the room.

“Do you want me to stop?” Squidward asks, very aware of himself and not wanting to force himself onto the yellow creature.

“Hmmm, no,” SpongeBob answers, “I’ve… just n…never done this before.”

Squidward moves his tentacle up SpongeBobs leg and kisses him again. “Don’t be scared.”

 _Don’t be scared… don’t be scared… don’t be scared… DON’T BE SCARED…! You have been resisting me for WAY to long now…!_ _YOU INKED ALL OVER ME…! There is no loving without this…_ _Don’t you feel loved again…? My dearest Squiddo…._

“Squilliam…” Squidward breathes out. “Squilly… Squilly, don’t hurt me!” He pushes his eyes tightly shut and shakes his head around. “Don’t hurt me… Squilly!”

SpongeBob grabs hold of Squidwards tentacles and calls his name softly, then louder when Squidward doesn’t seem to be responding.

“NO! SQUILLIAM, NO!”

A dark cloud fills the living room and SpongeBob falls to the ground. When he opens his eyes he isn’t able to see anything. “Squiddy?” he calls out. “Squidward, are you okay?”

He hears a soft crying in front of him. “Squidward?”

Squidward has his legs curled up in front of him and holds on tightly to a pillow, rocking back and forth. “I’m sorry, Sponge. I’m so sorry. I ruin everything for everyone” he sobs.

SpongeBob feels around the room to reach him and curls up next to the sad octopus. “You didn’t ruin anything at all.”

When the cloud fades away Squidward looks down at the curled-up SpongeBob leaning on his shoulder. SpongeBobs body is almost entirely covered in ink and his couch doesn’t look much better either. He feels the tears burning in his eyes once more: “I’m so sorry, Sponge. I don’t know what happened to me.”

“It’s okay, Squiddy. I love you.”

All of the sudden Squidward feels a flush of embarrassment go over him and pushes SpongeBob away. He shouldn’t see him like this! “Go home SpongeBob.”

SpongeBob looks up at him very confused and hurt. “But… But Squiddy…”

“Get out! Get out, get out, get out, get OUT!” He gestures at the door and looks at SpongeBob angrily.

SpongeBob picks up his pants and walks out the door with teary eyes. Before he walks off, he turns around to face Squidward one last time: “I love you…”

The door closes with a soft click and Squidward lets himself fall onto the couch, crying louder than he ever did since college.


	5. Apologies at sunset

Squidward wakes up that morning feeling very tired and miserable. He can’t get himself to sit up at all and the tears from last night have dried up on his face. He reaches for the phone next to his couch and types in the Krusty Krabs’ number. Mr. Krabs for sure won’t like him calling in sick, but he simply can’t go to work like this, nor could he ever face SpongeBob again. The phone rings a few times before Mr. Krabs picks it up: “Mr. Squidward, why are you calling?”

“I can’t go to work today.”

“I know you can’t. SpongeBob already told me about it.”

“He… he did? O…okay. Goodbye Mr. Krabs.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Mr. Squidward.”

Confused, but thankful that the hard work had been done for him, he puts the phone back on the holder. _SpongeBob already told him? Did he know? He didn’t hear me crying myself to sleep, did he? Somehow, he must’ve known…_

His stomach starts growling. “Time to move, Squidward.” He pulls himself up from the couch and walks towards the kitchen with tentacles feeling like blubber. When he opens the fridge another bag of carrots is lying there, appearing to be staring at him. “Ugh, no” he shakes his head, thinking about the soggy carrots on his floor the other day. “Hmm… how about a bite of that, or some of this, maybe a slice of that, or I can whip something up quickly….neh, I don’t feel like eating any of this.” He closes the fridge and sighs. He simply doesn’t feel like doing anything at all today. Then his eye falls upon something on his counter. “What the…?”

A few slices of toast with butter, waffles, eggs and orange juice are displayed neatly on some of his plates. He picks up the bright pink sticky note next to it and reads it out loud: “I called you in sick today. Please eat something. Take care. SpongeBob.”

Squidward leans on his counter, looking at all the stuff SpongeBob prepared for him. He scratches his head. _I hurt him so bad once again, and still he does all this! Maybe he’s scared of me. He MUST be scared of me! Nobody could possibly ever do this after what I did. Yes, Squidward, he is scared of you! You made him scared of you!_

Despite these awful thoughts going through his mind his growling stomach is overpowering and he picks up a plate of waffles and the glass of orange juice and takes place on his couch. He puts on the television to mindlessly watch something stupid while eating his food.

_It’s freshly squeezed orange juice too… And homemade waffles!_

After his breakfast Squidward has regained some energy and takes a quick shower to rinse of the tears and dirt from his body. When he steps out of the shower he notices SpongeBobs white shirt slightly sticking out of the laundry basket. “I should wash that for him.”

He slips inside his bathrobe, not feeling like wearing anything else, and walks down the stairs with the basket in his arms. While whistling a tune he throws everything inside the machine and turns it on. Still whistling he walks towards his kitchen to put some foil over the food SpongeBob prepared for him to save it for later today.

Before he knows it, he has put clothes on, vacuumed the house, done the dishes, cleaned his bathroom, mopped the floors and taken out the trash. He is now watering his kelp-garden, still whistling this song stuck inside his head and feeling quite lively again.

A loud yell awakes him from this daze, and he looks to his right to see Patrick running around his rock, seeming genuinely panicked. Squidward puts down his trowel to see what the starfish is up to this time. “Patrick, what are you doing?”

“Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!”

“What is it, Patrick?”

“I lost SpongeBob!”

“You didn’t _lose_ SpongeBob, Patrick, he is at work.”

Patrick stops running and looks at Squidward with a pouting face. “But who am I going to play tic-tac-toe with?”

“I don’t know, Patrick.” Squidward turns around to walk back towards his house but is stopped by Patrick grabbing hold of his feet. “Will you play with me?”

“No.” Squidward decides and removes Patricks hands from his feet. Patrick looks at him sadly.

“Well… okay. One game. If you don’t bother me for the rest of the day.”

Patrick jumps up and excitedly draws some lines in the sand.

Squidward sighs and sits down next to the ‘board’, drawing a circle in one of the spaces.

Patrick goes second and draws a cross in the sand directly next to Squidwards circle, his tongue sticking out concentrating on creating the two lines.

Two more circles and Squidward is the winner. Patrick looks at him angrily: “I want a rematch.”

“Patrick, I have more to---”

“I. WANT. A. REMATCH!”

“All right.” Squidward wipes out the drawing with his tentacles and makes some new lines. “You go first.”

Patrick bites his lip and starts sweating heavily, not moving an inch. “I forgot what to do, Squidward.”

Squidward finds himself laughing a little at Patrick’s simple-mindedness for the first time. “Here Patrick, I’ll show you.” He draws a circle in the sand.

“Hey! I wanted to be circles this time!” Patrick calls out, suddenly remembering how to play tic-tac-toe.

“All right, Patrick. You be circles this time.”

Patrick happily draws a circle next to Squidwards one and jumps up: “I won! Squidward, I won!”

Squidward opens his mouth to tell him that he didn’t win for two different reasons but closes it again when he sees the pink creature running around the place excitedly. _It is actually kind of… cute? Oh, what the hell, why not…_ “Patrick, how about another round?”

Sometime later Squidward is folding up his laundry while listening to some relaxing music. This day of seems to be exactly what he needed to get some rest and get back to his senses. He hums along with his record and makes neat piles of every color he washed up. There is only one thing on the white pile; SpongeBobs shirt. Squidward can’t stop himself from staring at it. _What did he ever do to deserve such a treatment? He has always been the nicest kid in the whole of Bikini Bottom, maybe even the whole world! And all I do is make him feel miserable. I should give him back his shirt, apologize and leave. Yes, that’s what I will do._ He looks at the clock. It is a few minutes past six, meaning SpongeBob should be coming home soon.

He hadn’t even thought that thought when a loud singing fills Conch Street. Squidward peers above his window to see SpongeBob skipping along the road towards his pineapple home.

He waves at Patrick as he goes by and adds him into his song: “I’m so lucky, got a friend like you. Going home from work now, that I will do. Sun is setting, town is going red. It’s telling me to raise my head.” [Sorry, had this stuck in my head since forever](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5uSFb5YgC4) His steel door closes behind him, leaving Conch Street quiet again.

Squidward lets himself fall down on the floor and cries out: “I can’t stand to be without him! He is the only thing that makes me happy! Maybe he will give me a second chance? I can at least try…”

He puts his record back inside his bookcase and picks up SpongeBobs shirt. He puts his nose on it to see if he can get a whiff of SpongeBobs scent, but the only thing he smells is his own detergent.

“Oh, who am I kidding! He will never give me a second chance!” He raises his arms to throw the shirt on the floor but is stopped by his own consciousness, leaving his tentacles hanging in mid-air. _I’m doing it again now; ruining every single thing he owns. I’m going over there, apologize and not say anything else. He deserves better than me._

When he looks at the shirt, it is now crumpled up in his tentacles. He had been fiddling with it all this time, thinking about what to do.

Grumbling, he picks up his iron and smooths out the creases again. Suddenly a tear falls down on the white fabric, he hadn’t even noticed he was crying. He wipes it away and faces himself in the mirror, speaking to his reflection sternly: “Squidward, you are going over there, apologize and ask him for a second chance.” And before he can talk himself out of it, he picks up SpongeBobs shirt and walks out the door towards his neighbor.

He gulps standing before the door, but he is not leaving this time, and knocks softly with shaking tentacles. 

“SpongeBob, I came to return your shir---” Squidward pushes open his door, only to reveal the Sponge watching television and… rubbing his pores?

“Squidward!” SpongeBob calls out in shock. He jumps up and hides behind his chair. “I… uh… just put it over there.”

“I actually want to talk to you, SpongeBob.”

“N…now?”

Squidward closes the door behind him and walks closer toward his yellow neighbor, feeling a little uneasy. “Well, yes…”

“Wait a second, and look away.”

“I don’t see why I should look away seeing that you are BEHIND a chair, SpongeBob.”

“LOOK AWAY!” SpongeBob yells at him, startling Squidward who quickly turns his head away from the thing he couldn’t see anyway.

He can hear the sound of something being sucked up, SpongeBob walking away on his tippy-toes and after some time the running water from the kitchen. _Did he just absorb his own…? Never mind, I don’t even want to know._

SpongeBob enters the room with a blush on his cheeks. “I uh…” he begins, but decides it will be easier to forget about what just happens and returns his attention to Squidward: “What did you want to talk to me about?”

Squidward takes a deep breath, preparing himself for what he is about to say. If he throws it all out in one exhale it will be over quicker. He breaths out and rushes his words: “I’m sorry, SpongeBob. I didn’t mean to do what I did the other day, and I shouldn’t have kicked you out. I also wish you’d give me a second chance… at everything I ruined.”

SpongeBob walks towards Squidward, who is still standing a few feet away from the door and holding his freshly washed white shirt. “I already told you, Squiddy. You never ruined anything. I love you so much, do you know that?” He grabs his shirt from Squidwards tentacles and throws it across the room.

“I just washed that!” Squidward says, a little upset and surprised at what SpongeBob just did.

“Neh, it doesn’t compare to holding you.” He wraps his arms around the octopus and squeezes him as tight as he can.

Squidward lets his tentacles hang alongside his body and fully takes in the feeling of SpongeBobs skin on his, not moving an inch but feeling a nice warmness flowing through his entire being.

SpongeBob moves his hands up and down Squidwards back, tapping lightly with each finger as he goes.

“Sponge…” Squidward breathes out in delight, the fingers sending electric pulses through his body.

SpongeBob, already in the mood because of his own pleasure earlier - something he had never done before but kind of just happened naturally thinking about last night- is feeling a little daring and kisses Squidward, practically shoving his tongue inside. Squidward allows the sponge to take the lead, happy that he has accepted him back into his life this quickly. He should have been expecting it, because SpongeBob always bounces back up quickly, but his doubts had taken over.

While kissing, SpongeBob guides Squidward upstairs and pushes him onto the bed. When the yellow creature removes his lips from his Squidward laughs at his eagerness. Even though SpongeBob is still this little kid he sure seems to be ready for it now. And so is Squidward.

They lay down next to each other on SpongeBobs bed, SpongeBob looking into the octopus’ sparkling, beautiful eyes. Squidward blinks slowly, and when he opens his eyes SpongeBob is still staring at him.

“I love your nose” SpongeBob says, kissing his nose gently.

“I know you do; you’ve always been playing with it, touching it or kissing it.”

“I just love it.”

Squidward takes SpongeBobs hands and pops every finger in and out of his mouth. “And I love these little hands of yours.

SpongeBob giggles nervously at Squidward sucking his fingers.

Squidward hoovers on top of him and traces the rims of his pores with his tentacle, letting SpongeBob feel a completely new sensation. And by the shuddering of his whole body underneath him, it must be a pleasant one, Squidward thinks. He nibbles teasingly at SpongeBobs nose before kissing him with a burning desire. He kisses every spot on his body, moving lower and lower, whilst exploring two of the sensitive pores with his tentacles. SpongeBob grabs hold of the back of his head and calls out in pleasure: “Oh my! Squidward…”

It is a sign for Squidward to keep on going, and to _not_ mess it up this time. He pulls off SpongeBobs pants and kicks off his shoes with one of his tentacles. Sometimes it is quite useful to have a few extra hands. He unbuttons SpongeBobs shirt before removing his own and looks down at the almost naked creature underneath him. _This is where it went wrong last time…_ With eager, yet shaking, tentacles he removes SpongeBobs underwear to reveal every single bit of his yellow sponginess.

Squidward strokes his entire body with the tip of his tentacle, making SpongeBob shiver and moan softly, whilst still clamping onto the octopus’ head.

He takes off SpongeBobs distinct socks and uses the suction cups on his tentacles to slowly move upwards from his legs towards his body.

And then, with his face between SpongeBobs legs he looks up and sees it, right in front of his nose; the oscula. _Dear Neptune, it is small! But beautiful… and it’s mine!_

An electric shock seeps through his entire body as he moves closer towards it. He places his tentacles near the special pore, making SpongeBob shudder and letting out a nervous laugh. “Oh Squidward! Don’t! Don’t…!”

“Yes, yes, yes” Squidward moans, stroking the spongey skin around it and feeling too ecstatic to stop at this moment. He leans even closer and licks the inside of the oscula, making SpongeBob call out something before letting himself fall down onto the bed and arching his body in delight.

He lets his tongue explore the hole while his tentacles pin SpongeBob down to the bed. Not that the sponge wanted to be anywhere else at this moment.

Squidward can feel something in-between his four lower tentacles growing warmer, harder and pulsating with every move and for a moment he almost gives in to the feeling. But he wants to take it easy on his inexperienced partner, just until he knows for sure he is ready for it. He removes his tongue and replaces it with a tentacle, just the top half.

SpongeBob calls out when the blue-greenish thing goes inside him, in both pleasure and pain. But a kind of good pain, and the pleasure growing inside him is definitely overwhelming.

Squidward gently pushes it in a little deeper to see how far he can go later on. It is actually deeper than he imagined, and he strokes the inside gently. SpongeBob shrieks in pure delight: “Oh, oh, oh, Squiddy!”

Squidward pushes it even further down and moves his whole body along with the up-and-down motion he is making. SpongeBob is doing the same, his breathing quickens and with sweat forming on his face.

_He is so pure, he is so handsome when he’s like this, he is… my own little Sponge._

All of a sudden Squidward can’t stand the build-up any longer, reveals his mating arm and shoves it inside the sponge’s body. This new feeling sends them both almost over the edge and SpongeBob rolls his eyes backwards, calling out Squidwards name louder and louder with each pump he receives. Squidward is whispering oh’s and ah’s in-between his panting. He hasn’t felt this sensation in, well… never. Except for when he did it to himself, but that is nothing compared to this.

He starts pumping harder and harder with SpongeBob grabbing hold of the pillow tighter and tighter, until finally he comes with a loud cry. The feeling of semen leaving his body is something he never knew could feel this good. SpongeBob looks up at him for a moment when this new, sticky fluid enters his body, but continues to call out Squidwards name when he knows this… _thing_ doesn’t interrupt the pleasant feeling he is having. Squidward pushes his mating arm in further twice more until SpongeBob too feels something leaving his body. But for him it didn’t just come out of one place but oozing out of every single pore of his spongey skin. It was something neither he nor Squidward had ever experienced.

SpongeBob looks up at Squidward in shock, and a little ashamed. For the smallest amount of time Squidward just stares at it, but quickly recovers and starts licking some of the goodness off of SpongeBobs skin. When he is finished he lays down next to SpongeBob on the bed.

“Thank you” SpongeBob whispers.

Squidward smiles contently. _How is the first thing he says the most SpongeBob thing ever?_

“I love you, Squiddy” he huddles closer to him, wrapping his arms around his body.

“I lo---”

“Meow.” Gary has come inside the bedroom before Squidward can finish his sentence, and looks up at his owner, probably hungry.

“Gary!” SpongeBob calls out, feeling stupid for forgetting the cutest pet snail ever. “I’ll be right back, Squiddy.”

When SpongeBob is gone Squidward stares at the ceiling, thinking about what just happened.

 _You just had… with him… in here… And it felt wonderful! We should do this more often, and maybe he can… with those fingers…_ His body starts tingling at this thought and his breathing gets heavier. _Oh yes, that would be good. I love this little kid… so much._

“Okay, Gary is eating now, I don’t get how I forgot to feed him! I washed myself up, and I also brought my record player, Squiddy, because I know you like it and I thought maybe we can lay in bed for a while and listen to it, or if you don’t want to we can also—”

Squidward stops his babbling by gesturing him to come closer. “I wasn’t able to finish what I wanted to tell you earlier.”

SpongeBob puts his record player on the floor and sits down next to Squidward, awaiting what he wants to tell him.

Squidward kisses him on his sweaty cheek: “I love you, Sponge.”

“Dahahaha, Squiddy, you have told me before!”

“But I mean it.” He puts his tentacle on SpongeBobs knee and strokes it lightly. “And I hope you have some jazz in your collection, or I’m leaving.”

SpongeBob opens up his record player to reveal a couple of records: “Of course I do, I took them from your house.”

“YOU WHAT?!” Squidward calls out, making SpongeBob look up at him with wide open eyes. He pulls himself together: “Well… at least I know it’ll be good. Put it on, Sponge.”

“Aye-aye, Squidward.” He warily puts the record inside and places the needle on the edge, sticking his tongue out whilst trying to handle Squidwards precious record as careful as he can. The soft tunes fill the bedroom and Squidward finds himself relaxing even more. _I can get used to this. Wait… I already am used to this, because it is MY record! Although it does sound different here, maybe better even._

He signs the yellow sponge to sit next to him. SpongeBob does as he pleases and looks up at Squidward lovingly. “What is it, Squiddy?”

“How about a sleep-over?”

SpongeBob can barely keep his excitement: “Oh, Squidward! I have always dreamed about having a sleep-over with you! I can make some hot cocoa, and we can watch movies, and play board games, and drink hot cocoa, and make jigsaw puzzles, and watch movies, and drink hot cocoa, and---”

“No.”

SpongeBobs excitement has washed away immediately, and he looks at Squidward pouting.

“I’d rather lay here and listen to my music. With you.”

A broad smile appears on SpongeBobs face again and he huddles near the octopus. “I can’t think of anything better.”

Three days later SpongeBob and Squidward both have a day off from work. SpongeBob has been inside his kitchen the entire day, preparing food for a picnic. He wants to surprise Squidward by eating dinner at the Jellyfish Fields and watching the sunset together.

At seven he knocks on the wooden door. Squidwards head appears. “SpongeBob, what are you doing here?”

SpongeBob jumps up and excitedly gives him a kiss on his lips before revealing the basket he is holding. Nervously, but thrilled, he wiggles back and forth on his toes: “I thought we could watch the sunset together, Squiddy. Do you want to?”

Squidward looks down at the basket and back up at SpongeBobs face, who is biting his lip awaiting the answer. “Of course, Sponge.” He closes the door behind him, and grabs hold of SpongeBobs hand. “Now, where did you want to go?”

“Jellyfish Fields! It is the most beautiful place in the whole of Bikini Bottom! And it is always so peaceful and quiet and the best place to watch the sun set and also the best place for eating and the best place for—”

“The best place for being with you.” Squidward stops his babbling by kissing him. “Here, I’ll hold the basket.”

They walk towards the green hills and when SpongeBob has finally found the ‘best spot ever’ he lays down a red and white checkered blanket and displays all the food he prepared. There is quite an arrangement of sweet and savory dishes and Squidward can feel his mouth starting to water. “It looks amazing, Sponge!” He breaks a piece of bread in two and hands SpongeBob the other part while taking a bite. It tastes a little bit like the bun of a Krabby Patty, but maybe that’s just his imagination. Surely SpongeBob knows how to make something different, doesn’t he?

“Do you like it?”

“Do I like it… Do I like it? Sponge, I LOVE it!”

For a while they eat in silence, enjoying the view and the food SpongeBob had prepared. _I will cook him a gourmet meal next time we go out. Next time? Yes, next time!_

SpongeBob breaks the silence and interrupts Squidwards thoughts: “Hey Squiddy?”

“Yes, SpongeBob.”

“You haven’t been frowning lately” SpongeBob giggles, grabbing hold of Squidwards tentacle.

The sun has just started to set and when Squidward looks back at his partner the pinkish-orange light is reflecting inside his blue eyes.

“You turned it upside-down” he says before kissing him. _I really do smile more often, don’t I? Who knew that this annoying neighbor of mine was so wonderful all along? I love every bit of him, truly I do._

He repeats himself, more silently this time; almost inaudible, as they watch the sun setting behind the green, grassy hills. “Yes… _you_ turned it upside-down.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly hope you enjoyed reading the twists of my mind as much as I did writing it! Thanks to everyone who has already been reading and commenting.  
> As you might have noticed I am turning this into a trilogy (the Tentacle Tragical Trilogy, like... how many T’s do you need?). Halfway through writing this story I found that I simply couldn’t let it go just yet, and also had too many ideas still waiting to be written out. I will be working on the plotlines of those stories and hope to update the trilogy soon. Thank you all for everything, it means a lot to me! :)


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